A Corellian Werewolf in Mos Eisley
by Mister Buch
Summary: A fun and strange short story about the wolf-man you see in the old SW 'cantina scene'. Jim Bastra is a private detective hunting down the mysterious 'Devaronian' who changed him into a werewolf.
1. Introduction

A Corellian Werewolf in Mos Eisley

A _Star Wars_ fanfic by Mister Buch

Introduction

This story is odd so it requires some introduction.

You remember the famous cantina scene in _Star Wars_, right? If, like me, you prefer the _original_ version to the 'special' edition then you'll remember that among the weird, freakish patrons in the bar were two extras whose costumes seemed to come from a Halloween shop – a werewolf and a devil. Because they're so out of place, it's easily my favourite scene in the film.

I got to thinking about back-stories for the characters. I've learned the actual explanations since writing this fic, and I think mine are less ridiculous.

I present what may be the world's first short romantic comedy-drama detective story about a werewolf set in the _Star Wars_ universe. It may be a bit strange, but I promise it will finally answer that great question– just what the hell _are_ the wolf-man and the devil doing in that cantina?

And if you read it, I bet it'll make the _Star Wars_ cantina scene a little funnier next time you watch, and you notice Jim the wolf-man growling from behind his drink!

And if you can stomach it, the cantina scene in the 'Star Wars Holiday Special' might be a bit funnier after reading this too. If you've seen it, you'll get a few more of the silly references. Oh, it also helps if you've seen _Teen Wolf_.

M.B.


	2. One More Round, Friend

One More Round, Friend

I staggered into the bar that day, exhausted and panting like I always did after I'd been outside too long. My thick, black-brown beard was soggy with the sweat, and my ridiculously unmanageable hair had grown since I last checked. My snout was twitching too, but this was normal. Tatooine was an uninteresting place, all told, but it had two damn suns. For some stupid reason this made it four times as hot as any other planet I'd walked on.

The place was dark, deliberately so to give the regulars time to figure out who a newcomer was and what he wanted while his eyes were adjusting. It didn't work on me, of course – I had recently developed great night vision – but somehow I doubted anyone found me that interesting. On my home planet, the sight of a six-feet-tall werewolf strolling into a bar would turn heads, but this was the Mos Eisley cantina, known to its friends as the 'Star Bar'. The place had beautiful music, which is mainly why I had come back three times, but it had a real ugly clientele.

There was another reason for my return. I was looking for someone. I suppose everyone walking alone into a bar is looking for someone, but not the someone I wanted. This was an elusive individual who I'd followed half-way across the galaxy. Someone in Mos Espa had told me this place was his regular watering hole. Funny phrase, 'watering hole'. On this planet, where 'moisture' is the chief industry and the buildings are dug into the sand, it's strangely literal. I looked around for him, but saw only some Duros, some guy smoking a hookah, a few scattered drunks and a couple of those little fellas with the brown hoods.

'Afternoon, honey,' said a warm voice, warmer than I was used to in this place. 'What'll it be?' The lady serving me was a little older than me, a little matronly, but immediately likable. I think her hair was grey before its time. Her voice was accented, like most here, and deep. Everything about that voice told you she meant business. I asked for a cold ale and didn't bother her with small talk, then waited as she poured. I guess I judged her wrong – she didn't like the silence, so she asked me my name. I told her. 'Well Jim, I'm Ackmena. What brings you to my cantina?'

'I thought that surly guy owned the place?' I asked, wanting the cool drink a whole lot. 'The guy wouldn't let me take my datadroid in here last week. The bar was full of goddamn trandoshan but I can't bring a talking typewriter?'

'Wuher? It's complicated.' She shushed away what was clearly a touchy subject. 'There are three of us who tend bar – Wuhur, Richard and me. It's my cantina when I'm here, and everyone's welcome so long as blasterfire is kept to a minimum.' Ackmena gave me my drink and I immediately dived into it. Before I could swallow she was pressing me again with her questions. I couldn't blame her for asking – most times this place was full of smugglers.

Like I say, she seemed like fun. I gave her the full story – Corellian private investigator, weird curse, turning into a wolf, looking for jobs and the whereabouts of a crazy-looking guy named Zeebub. She didn't look as surprised as people did on other planets. I was starting to like this world despite the heat. No-one wanted to know me too well and work for someone in my line of business was pretty abundant.

'Zeebub?' Ackmena muttered, flatly. It was quiet and she seemed interested in me. 'Never heard the name. What does he look like?'

'Tall guy. Don't know the name of the species. Pale yellow skin and teeth to match. Oh yeah, and he's got two big, black horns on his head.'

'Doesn't ring a bell. Someone hire you to find this fella?'

'No, this one's personal. He's the guy responsible for my little problem here.' I waved a hand across my sweat-matted mane and ungainly fangs so she got my meaning.

'Yeah, he sounds like a real sweetheart. I'll keep an eye out. Now excuse me Jimmy, I gotta serve that big lunk with the four arms and the gas-mask.'

This place was weird. She trotted away and listened to the guy making noises I'd never understand. Quickly I finished the beer and looked around. It was nice to see the Star Bar nearly empty. There were about seven of us in all, and most were content to sit in their corners and listen to the cute little bith band playing whatever it was they were playing.

I kept coming here, waiting for the time when my tip-off would earn the money I paid for it and my quarry would be there with no gun and some answers. I longed to catch him unawares and force him to turn me back to my old, clean-shaved, completely human self. I couldn't cope with being a wolf-man. I wasn't used to having to groom myself, or the uncontrollable urge to gnaw on bones all day. I usually kept some in my desk drawer at work. Though it had been three months since Zeebub changed me, I still hated vacuuming the dog hair from my apartment floor every day.

Without warning a meaty hand pushed me and a head close to it garbled a deep, throaty warble that I didn't understand.

'He doesn't like you,' explained his less-crazy-looking friend, sat next to him.

'That's just great,' I told the two of them. The human-looking one was translating for the other guy, who had two big, fleshy growths where his chin ought to be. I don't want to talk about what they made me think of. I tore my eyes back to theirs to add, 'If you stop pushing me and buy me a beer to apologise you might like me a little more.'

The least ugly one laughed. 'You don't understand! We're wanted men! You'd better watch yourself – I have the death sentence on twelve systems!'

This, I thought, was a nice time to use my newfound abilities. I'd never held a scary appearance before, in fact I used to be kind of a looker, so I enjoyed being able to settle arguments by baring teeth. I snarled at the jokers and concentrated real hard until my eyes turned from chocolate-brown to bright red. They actually jumped.

'Give me… a glass… of beer…' I whispered between heavy breaths. It seemed to work, and my eyes stopped glowing.

The foreign-looking gentleman beckoned Ackmena and ordered my second drink. She lent me a mischievous smile as she made it for me. I liked her sense of humour. My new friends scampered away once they'd paid.

'I hope those two weren't bothering you,' the landlady said happily. 'They're just local morons. Try to start a fight every night. One day it's gonna get them in trouble, I bet.'

I muttered agreement and told her I liked the bith musicians they had in for the evening. I regretted it when her eyes lit up.

'Oh you do? They're the house band. Friends of mine too. I sing with them sometimes, actually, on quiet nights.' That sly look returned. I began to wonder if she wasn't hitting on me. Sure I was younger, and we were getting on so far, but was she desperate enough to flirt with a werewolf?

My answer came soon. 'You know, Jim,' the server continued coyly, 'my late husband, rest his soul, was a wookiee.'

'Uh-huh.'

'Ever see a wookiee?'

Luckily I had. I hoped I could draw this discussion to a close quickly. 'Sure,' I told her. 'Tall, hairy guys. Always end up as slaves.'

'That's them. My guy escaped the Empire and came here. Point I'm making is, you needn't feel out of place here. Do you live in Mos Eisley, or are you just visiting?'

'Uhm…' She was making me a little nervous here. 'I just set up shop on the other side of town. Got an apartment and an expensive air-conditioning system. Money's easy here. Everyone's got an eye on everyone else, but no-one can keep an eye professionally. That's where I come in.'

'Sounds like you got this place all figured out, 'cept for your friend Zeebub. So, where exactly are you living?'

I needed to change the subject fast. I went back to the music – I used to play the sax before I wound up as a PI so I had an ear – and this band really knew their stuff. Unfortunately, this revelation got her singing. Before I could stop her, Ackmena stood up on the rounded, carved bar and introduced herself and the bith to the few of us sober enough to hear. In an instant the band struck up what sounded like a jaunty, local tune. It was catchy, it was fun, it was… local. That is until the lyrics kicked in.

I'm not trying to write a traveller's guide here, but if you're ever in an unmarked cantina in Mos Eisley and the landlady tells you she's going to sing 'Just One More Round, Friend' or whatever the hell it was called, get out. It's not that she couldn't sing, it's just that the song was annoying as all hell, and she insisted on dancing with a bemused Rodian, then only after I refused.

Eventually, and it seemed like a lot longer than the length of a song, she stopped and the band went back to their other tune. Three of us clapped politely, two of them just because they were afraid of me. Me, I didn't like the song at all, but the music and the singer were all right. She was the first genuinely nice person I'd met in this town, and I could tell she really wanted to help me with my problem.

She returned to me to fill my glass again after a chat with one of her Bith friends. 'I might have something for you,' she told me in a conspiratorial tone. 'Fi'en there is a medical student at the University…'

I had to interrupt this. 'You people have a University?'

'Well, it's more of a community college. Anyhow, Fi'en knows a professor who might be able to help you – he's an expert on your, uh…' she waved her hand at me boldly, '…condition. His brother Fuzz is a bouncer here sometimes, but you can meet him at his office. Name's Dr. Skwi-Kii McGee, but folks around here just call him Doctor Four-Eyes.'

'Wears glasses?'

She chuckled quietly but gave no answer. I thanked her and tipped her handsomely. As I stood up to leave Ackmena said, in a sing-song voice, 'Come back soon, I'll be waiting.' She didn't even meet my eyes as she said it but somehow, don't ask me how, it really made my ears prick-up. I felt welcome in Mos Eisley, and liked it.

'I bet you say that too all the paying customers,' I joked, and left. That song of hers was still ringing in my ears as I took in the stale air and the unrelenting suns, but my stomach was full, my throat was as wet as my nose and I had, for want of a better word, a lead. It wasn't much, but it was something. And I was getting a hunch that soon I'd have my shiny new teeth in a threatening position over Zeebub's throat.

I knew I was getting close. When I found him, I hoped for his sake and mine that he had some sort of an antidote.


	3. A Shaggy Dog Story

A Shaggy Dog Story

When your entire body is covered in fur, sandstorms are really unpleasant. I realised this the next morning as I trudged through the wind in the direction of Dr McGee's office in the college. I counted my blessings – though I wasn't expecting the storm I was dressed for it. Under my wide-rimmed hat and long, tan leather jacket I was mostly protected, and I looked relatively human, which felt good.

I spent a happy half-hour walking in circles around what I thought was a vaporator station but turned out to be the Mos Eisley Institute of Higher Learning itself. The Institute had a single lecture theatre, one class room, four staff offices and a large amount of stripped machinery, which, as good doctor would later explain to me, were remnants from the days when the building was a vaporater station. A quick glance at the prospectus revealed their course list consisted of 'moisture vaporation', 'advanced techniques in vaporation', 'theoretical implications of womp rat herding' and 'conversational jawa dialect.' It would be an understatement to say I was not expecting much from the teaching staff.

Inside, I quickly found my man. Doctor Four-Eyes was imaginatively nicknamed because he was a doctor and had four eyes. He was also extremely tall and wide, barely fitting into the office allocated him, and covered in white fur. He spoke through a thin, straw-like mouth in a series of high-pitched gurgles, which I understood perfectly. As luck would have it, an old buddy of mine back home spoke the same language, with galactic basic as his secondary. He was a nice guy, and used to work at a drive-through burger bar.

'Ah, you must be mister Bastra, who I spoke to on the phone,' he said, although frankly, I'm guessing at the 'ah' part. That could have been anything.

'What gave me away?' I quipped as I offered my hand. We shook and he offered me a seat.

For a long moment Doctor Four Eyes inspected me as me as you'd expect him to inspect a Petri dish. I didn't like it, so I shuffled and cocked an eyebrow. It seemed to do the trick – doesn't take much to bother an academic.

'You know, I assume, that I am an expert in lycanthropy?' he asked. I nodded, although this was news to me. 'Your condition is extremely rare, and little is known about the cause. I have my own theories, and would be very grateful to hear how you became infected.'

I cleared my throat. I was used to telling this one, and now I had it honed into a nice little presentation. McGee was in for a treat. 'Well,' I began, 'it all started a few months back on Corellia. I met this guy in a…'

'Did the cause of your infection involve exposure to womp rats in any way?' the professor interrupted, excitedly. I had to disappoint him, and saw all four of those black eyes drop down and lose their sheen, like someone had knocked them out of his head.

'Like I was saying, I met this guy. And here's the thing. I think he was the Devil.' I waited for a response from the doc, but he was still sullen, probably wondering if all those years studying the womp rats had been worth it. Frankly, I didn't care if he was listening. All I wanted from the guy was any information he had on Zeebub.

I still think it's pretty unlikely that his name was really B. L. Zeebub. Something about that name, I couldn't place it at the time, sounded fake to me. He had this look about him that always made him seem like he was tricking you. I just can't imagine him not grinning, on account of that's all I ever saw him do. His skin was as sandy and leathery as my trusty old jacket. He had pointy ears and a big set of teeth that seemed to have rusted from so much exposure to fresh air.

It had been warm out the day I met him, and it got warmer as he came closer. The guy had a funny way of walking, like he was floating even though you could see those feet moving. He wore a high collar and fancy cloak – kinda reminded me of the old-time politicians on Coruscant, and when he talked he sounded like the worst of them. His voice was crisp, deep and like a carefully dropped whisper all at the same time. Left you without a clue what to think of him.

'Good evening, James,' he said, extending a hand as if to shake and then withdrawing it. 'I've been looking for you all day.'

Now I don't want to come off as prejudiced, because I'm not. But where I'm from, near enough everyone was human, and the only difference you saw between people was skin colour. The occasional twi'leks were the outsiders. This guy had horns, and I couldn't help but stare.

'You're wondering about my species,' he told me. I already knew that and clearly so did he, so I stayed quiet. 'I'm a devaronian,' he told me. Somehow I didn't believe the name, and he sensed that too. 'I'm from a planet called Mustafar,' he went on in order to convince me. 'My name is Zeebub, but those who deal with me just call me B.L.'

'Evening, Zeebub,' I said, and he seemed a little put out by my implication against dealing with him. I suppressed a smile and beckoned him to sit down on the park bench next to me. 'Just having something to eat here. What can I do for you? Looking for information on someone? Worried your girl's cheating?' These kinds of jobs make up about ninety percent of my business.

'Actually, James, my offer concerns _your_ girl.' I started listening. It seemed unlikely Jahna had gotten herself into trouble, but I figured myself a pretty devoted partner and I ought to give him my full attention. It wasn't like me to lose my head over a girl, but this girl was special. Trouble is, there was nothing special about me, and we both knew it. We'd been together a while and I was stupidly happy. There have been plenty of women in my life, but I don't think I could tell you any of their birthdays, favourite colours or even what their hair looked like. With Jahna I knew all those things an hour after meeting her.

I'll bet she didn't know those things about me though. My hair was easy enough – black, curly and tight with a little beard to match – she liked it a lot. But I'm sure she didn't know those other two things. It's mustard yellow, by the way. It was obvious things weren't working out between the two of us, but I just couldn't accept it. I'd always known I didn't deserve a girl like that, but she'd changed me into a sap. A happy one, one with a good job at last, one who'd hung up his dumb musical career and was secretly making marriage plans, but a sap anyway. I knew one day I was gonna watch her walk out on me, and all that soft, soft sap would come dribbling out of my nose, but until then I was content to ignore the facts.

Zeebub sat and stared at me as I ran through all of this in my head for the hundredth time, kinda like he was listening to my thoughts. I met his gaze and his grin widened. I felt real angry that just by his mentioning Jahna I had wound up worrying about how much time I had left with her.

'Zeebub, is this some kind of a threat, and if so, is it a good one? Cause I'd really like to enjoy my lunch here.'

'No threat. I can make your girl love you.' Still grinning.

'Well then you must be pretty special, friend. You think flowers and candy? I could stretch to jewellery if you think it'll work.'

Presumably my dinner guest didn't like to be made fun of, because all of a sudden the park bench lifted a foot into the air, spun around in a circle with me on it, and relaxed back. I glanced around, trying to inspect it and look for witnesses to back me up while simultaneously looking cool, like I saw this stuff every day. Zeebub sat beside me then, moving in a fluid motion.

After a while I dropped the act. 'Okay, so what, you're some kind of Jedi knight? Dark Force or whatever it was called?'

Zeebub closed his lips for a moment here and chuckled to himself. I guessed there was a joke here but I wasn't supposed to know it. He told me no, but something 'along those lines', whatever the hell that means. I stared hard.

'You are exactly right, James. Jahna has indeed made you a sap, as you say. I have seen what will happen to you once you are alone again, but I have the ability to change that.'

'You're gonna hypnotise her and tell her how pretty I am? Or are you and me gonna lift stuff into the air to impress her?'

'I'm going to make your soul mate fall madly, helplessly in love with you. It's that simple.'

This man with the horns was weird, but I was still too smart to believe him based on a magic show. He could ignore gravity and tell me what I was thinking, but so can a spacer with a dream-recorder. I've met some really dumb spacers with some really high-tech dream recorders. I asked him, out of curiosity, what he got in return. Cash, I supposed. If so, my moral dilemma was over, right there. I had credits for a transport home and a loan to pay my bills. Maybe even enough for some dessert, but nothing else.

My opinion of him changed the moment he produced a heavy red case out of thin air. I kidded myself he'd had the thing behind him al along, but like I say, I was always kinda smart. He opened it up and a big, fleshy tentacle very calmly, very politely extended from inside it. Now, the tentacle was thick, real ugly and with what could loosely be described as a face, and from the way it moved it was smart enough to be a person in my book.

'This is my side of the bargain,' said Zeebub very simply. 'My associate, Dice, will bite you, but in doing so will pass an unusual disorder of the body onto you. My reasons are my own.'

'Gee, that sounds like a sweet deal, Zeebs!' I was being sarcastic of course, but I wondered if he could really do what he promised. After distracting him with some banter to figure out whether he was crazy or genuine, I began asking questions. Would this disorder going to hurt a whole lot? Was I going to wind up looking like his friend in the briefcase? Would Jahna start to like my taste in holovids? All his answers were sincere and encouraging.

I could write volumes trying to justify why I eventually told this stranger that yes, his friend was welcome to sink its thorn-like teeth into my arm, but I don't think I'd convince you. Let me just say that at heart I'm a romantic, and this girl was something else.

Those teeth, which were on the outside of its mouth by the way, hurt a lot. The thing reared up for a moment beforehand, like a snake, then seemed to really enjoy itself.

'Dice has passed her gifts onto you, James. I shall be waiting to see how you use them.' For some reason all I could think was _Oh, it's a she._

Zeebub was really quick to desert me after it was all over. He just stood, told me he'd never visit me again and left with that odd walk of his. I felt like a chump, and I just hoped that the guy had been crazy all along and that nothing would change. But I can't deny that I went right to Jahna's building instead of back to the office.

Of course, Jahna's opinion of me didn't change in any little way. And of course, I slowly started turning into a wolf-like creature with a strong desire to rampage through the streets at night. I learned to control that stuff after a while, but back then each day I'd become more of an animal. It proved too much of a strain on our relationship. One day when I strolled naked into her apartment, presented her with a dead animal from the zoo and nudged it toward her with my nose, things reached what you might call 'breaking point'.

One sober day, after the months of painful growths, howling and depression, my meeting with B. L. started to make sense. The fake name he gave me, the horns, the suspicious deal and the strange powers, all of it. This gentleman was the Devil, like they used to tell us about in mythology class at school. A lot of guys wouldn't have figured him so soon, what with his clever aliases and all, but I'm an intuitive kind of guy. I was sure of it now, and I found a whole lot of determination when I decided to track him down.

So I started to look for the fallen angel himself. I got nowhere, so I tried looking for people who knew him. Then I tried looking for passing mentions of the whereabouts of people who knew people who knew him, and eventually, when I was beginning to lose hope, I found out he lived on some Hutt-controlled backwater called Tatooine. I was surprised to find I liked the place, and stayed, but clues about my quarry dried up quickly under those two suns.

Doctor Four-Eyes listened to the end of my tale and did a very good job of making four black eyes and a mouth-tube convey incredulity. I think maybe he didn't believe me, and he certainly wasn't interested in me as a case study any more. Over a little more time, I squeezed out some information from him. He told me there was no cure forthcoming for my illness, and that he sincerely doubted it was caused by snake bites.

'It wasn't exactly a snake, doc, more like a tentacle. But with teeth and…'

'I have never heard of any such theory. Now I'm afraid I must get on with my work. I'll give you temporary access to my personal files on this subject if you wish.'

There was something about his tone that made me curious about him, but not enough to ask any more questions. I thanked him for the files, and looked forward to poring over endless pages of information that would fly way over my hairy head. Still, I knew it had to be done so I steeled myself and shook Dr McGee's hand, filling its clean, white bristles with sand in the process.

So far my day had been a disappointing one. I entered the storm again with a heavy heart and an uncharacteristic snarl. I knew that when I got home I'd need to take a bath.

I hated baths.


	4. The Green M&M's

The Green M & M's

Another sweltering night hit my fur hard, refusing to let me get any sleep. So I figured I'd stay up with a bowl of water and a rare steak. After reading the full collection of the galaxy's research on werewolves I was no nearer to Zeebub and understood little more than I had done before, but I was tired enough to sleep. Trouble is, it was morning by then and I had to get to the office. I was spending too much time looking for the hornéd one and I was running out of cash, fast. With any luck someone would come by with a job for me.

After spending a morning pretending to work and obsessing over Jahna, I met a pair of twins who made me forget about her for the first time in a while. I was following a rotating fan with my face when the gals strolled in, and I very quickly moved my head back. I might have gotten away without looking dumb, or they might have been acting polite.

They confused me right off the bat. I didn't know which to notice first – the crazy, matching costumes they had on or just how gorgeous they were. Or at least, one of them. Truth be told, her sister wasn't exactly an oil painting, but she wasn't bad. She was a little shorter, a little bigger, had a little less green in her outfit. The other girl, the perfect-looking one, she was wearing all green. Green figure-hugging felt number, green heels, green lipstick and green eye-shadow. I've never liked green that much, but believe me, she made it work. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

'James Bastra?' she asked.

'That's right. Call me Jim, come in, have a seat.' It was all I could do not to add 'marry me' to that list. The girls pulled up two chairs and sat down in unison, mirror images of each other. They had intricately braided black hair. It must have taken some time to put together, and I noticed their slightly-different-shade-of-green underwear was worn on the outside. I vowed to forget that fact immediately and concentrate carefully on their faces.

'Hello Jim,' the pretty one said, and I wondered if I should shake hands. I decided against it when she smiled and I started to lose feeling in my fingers. 'My name is Melsa…' she started.

'And I am Melindra' the other one said sweetly. I glanced over at her. Like I said, she wasn't ugly exactly, but she didn't compare to the vision next to her. 'We're hoping you can investigate someone for us, if you have the time.'

If I had the time? I'd do it for free if they asked. I stumbled through an answer. 'Sure, I have a little time available this week. What's your problem?'

Melsa spoke again. 'It's my boyfriend, Dan…'

Damnit.

'I'm worried he might be… being unfaithful.'

I relaxed. This was familiar territory, and now I knew she wasn't available I didn't have that to think about. I stood up and fixed myself a glass of water. The girls declined a glass, speaking in unison. I didn't know if it was creepy or cute.

'Say, that's kind of odd, the way you talk at the same time,' I said, sitting down again and resting my legs on the desk.

Melsa and Melindra smiled. 'Well,' Melindra said, 'it's a custom on our planet. We are identical twins after all.' Melsa nodded agreement.

I'm quite proud of the fact that I didn't spit out my water, because I really wanted to. Forcing myself to swallow, I looked at them both with my head to one side. They sat quietly, wondering what I didn't understand. After a while I let it go, but man, either they were deluded or Melindra was real bad at applying make-up.

Another sip. 'So tell me about Dan.'

Melsa almost smiled again. 'He lives near here actually. He's something of a local character – everybody knows him. You might have seen him around – Astronaut Dan?'

I shook my head. 'Why do you call him that?'

'Everyone does. He wears a white space suit all the time. You haven't noticed him?'

Dan sounded like the sort of guy you would notice, but the description didn't ring any bells. I asked them to go on, and Melindra continued the story on her sister's behalf.

'A few weeks ago, I spotted Dan talking to Irma the Ithroian. She's got something of a reputation, and everyone in Mos Eisley knows she has a thing for astronauts. She's always hooking up with passing spacers and that duros guy in the jumpsuit.' I began to feel left-out, not having heard any of this before. I figured I ought to keep my ear closer to the ground in future, and maybe look up Irma.

'Since then, we've both seen Dan and Irma together,' Melsa added. 'Just talking, but Dan looked really nervous when I interrupted them. He won't speak with me about it. I'm so worried.'

I could tell she was upset, and I wondered what possible reason Dan could have for cheating on this girl. I didn't know what an Ithorian was, but I guessed they must be good-looking. Melsa told me more about her problem and paid me. I didn't charge much – they'd more than paid for my services by dressing like that. I told them I'd do what I could to find some time for their case, but I knew I'd start it the same day. I had only one more job at the time, and it could wait.

They both thanked me then rose simultaneously from their chairs. They left gracefully and I pushed my face back in that fan.

Right away I got myself plugged into the holonet and did some background checks on Danny boy. I didn't learn much beside his name and address, so I hit the streets. Seemed to me I'd have an easy time looking for a man dressed like an astronaut in a desert, but it actually took a couple hours before I tracked him down. I had to relent and start asking, and a guy selling ruby bliels to kids – cute – told me he'd seen Astronaut Dan heading to a restaurant with an Ithorian woman.

The restaurant was more of a diner really, but then, nothing on Tatooine was fancy. It was small, and I had no trouble finding Dan's table. I'll admit I was disappointed when I saw Irma, but hey, maybe Dan had unusual tastes. That would explain his sideburns, at least.

Sitting myself at the next table over, I ordered and quietly listened to Dan talking and Irma making deep noises with her various throats. I'll spare you the details of the conversation, but I realised right away that they weren't having an affair. They were sat too far apart for lovers and Dan just wouldn't shut up about Melsa. Having met her I didn't blame him, but obviously these two were just friends. I thought I ought to at least talk to him, if only to justify my fee, so I waited for him to head to the bar, and followed him.

I ordered my drink right after him, to get his attention. The server seemed bored so I guessed I had some time. Now I needed to get him talking. I wasn't sure what to say without giving myself away, so I came up with a story, quick. 'Say buddy, I'm guessing you're a spacer of some sort? I need a package transported off-world in a hurry.'

'A spacer?' asked Dan, surprised. 'No. Why would you think that?'

'Uhm… well, your outfit.'

Dan looked down. 'Oh no, I always dress like this. The name's Dan, by the way. Astronaut Dan. I'm a bank teller, and the chairman of the Mos Eisley cosplay society.'

I had no idea what that meant, but at least he was friendly. 'Pleasure,' I said. 'I'm Jim.' Damn. I shouldn't have used my real name. I hoped he hadn't heard of me and changed the subject. 'Your friend's very… uh…' I glanced at Irma. Her body was squat and thick, and her head was shaped like a curled-up potato chip with eyes on either end, kind of like a hammerhead moth. 'She's very interesting.'

Luckily for Melsa, Dan didn't agree with me, but just introduced her. He pointed with his thumb behind his back and told me her name. Then he grinned the widest grin I ever saw and said, 'She's a friend of a friend. She's helping me pick a ring.'

By the amount of white teeth on show it was obvious, but I asked for appearance's sake. 'You mean an engagement ring, Dan?'

He surprised me by making that grin widen. 'That's right. It's for my girlfriend, Melsa. Everyone tells me I've got no fashion sense, so I thought Irma could help… say, wait a minute…'

Dan looked suspicious. I silently cursed.

'You're not Jim Bastra, are you?'

I had no way out of this. 'That's right.'

'I heard Mel talking to her sister about you. You're a private eye. Oh man, I knew it! She thinks I'm cheating on her!'

I sighed. This job wasn't going well. Maybe I'd gotten rusty. 'Look, Dan, once I get back to her she won't suspect you. I've been tailing you and it's obvious you're crazy about her.'

Our drinks arrived but Dan stayed with me. 'I really am,' he said, but his voice had lost all of its vigour. 'She just doesn't trust me. I can't ask her now.'

'I think she likes you a whole lot.' I meant it, although I had no idea what she saw in him. I guess all the great-looking girls prefer dumb, older men dressed up like astronauts and with crazy haircuts. He must have had a great personality, I suppose, but I sure wasn't seeing it.

'Yeah, I know she likes me. But I love her. There's a world of difference.'

Why was I talking to this guy? I was fast becoming the galaxy's first werewolf guidance counsellor, and I didn't like it. For reasons that still escape me I kept talking. It's a good thing I did.

'You think proposing is going to solve all your problems?'

'I dunno. But I think I have to do something, you know, something big before I lose her.'

I wondered why he felt he was losing her. Melsa had looked to me like she was nuts about him. I told him so, and he clearly gained hope. And then he said it.

'There was this weird guy in the street who told me we were nearly over. Kind of like he could read minds. Said he'd make her feel the same way as me if I made a deal with him.'

This time I really did spit out my drink. Quick as a flash I asked him, 'Horns? Did he have horns?'

'That's right. Said his name was Louie. Louie See'ferr I think.'

This sounded good. I pounced upon Dan and asked him every question I could think of about Louie. I got a lot out of him too. Dan's situation with Melsa was pretty similar to my old problem back home, and our mutual Son of Perdition had offered him the exact same deal that I got. The big difference is that Dan turned him down. Now I knew what that girl saw in him. He was smart.

'Dan, you've gotta think hard for me. Do you know where I can find this guy? It's very important.'

I think I may have accidentally bared my fangs, because he answered double-quick. 'Yeah! Yeah he said if I changed my mind I should see him in the cantina. He's there in the afternoons – said he was busy at nights. That's all I know.'

'Did he mention which cantina?' I had a feeling I knew.

'It's a little place – I don't think it has an official name. Most of us call it the Star Bar, cuz of all the non-humans.'

I finished my drink in a single gulp and put a hand on Astronaut Dan's padded shoulder. 'Pal, I think you and Melsa are going to work out fine. I'll go see her and tell her you're not cheating. You pick out a ring.'

He looked relieved but confused as he finally headed back to his table.

An hour and a quick call later, Melsa and Melindra sashayed back into my office, looking concerned. I was in a great mood for a change. Once I'd told them Dan wasn't up to no good, I could get rested up ready for the next afternoon. I was looking forward to it like you wouldn't believe.

I had the ladies sit down again before giving them the good news. Both of their faces became twice as beautiful when they smiled and I even got a kiss on the least hairy part of my cheek. It was from Melindra, but still appreciated. I absently wondered if she was seeing anyone as they turned around, and tried hard not to notice their exterior underwear leaving behind them.

I nearly managed it, too. You know what they say about the green M&M's, don't you? I had to wonder if that's what had happened to ol' Zeebub.


	5. I'll Huff and I'll Puff

I'll Huff and I'll Puff

There was a real spring in my step as I returned to the cantina. It made me feel like my old self again. I could feel my old, winning, human smile underneath the fur and my elongated nose. I wished there were saloon doors for me to swing open.

Oddly, my usual ability to see in the dark failed me. I supposed this was because I had come bounding in so fast. I wasn't worried but a little more care would probably serve me better, considering I was here for a showdown with the lord of the underworld. I caught my breath and scanned the room.

He hadn't arrived. Not yet anyway. Fair enough, I thought. Probably better to get here first. I strolled over to the bar but was disappointed to see my least favourite of the bartenders. Wuhur was an uncooperative, quiet type. I asked him for a cold ale quick and he got me a warm one at his own pace. Eagerly I licked my teeth before I drank a little, then I headed over to a quiet, corner table. Angry and ready for a fight, I felt a familiar stinging sensation as my eyes began to change to red.

A few more gulps of room-temperature, watered down local brew later, and I was losing my bloodlust. I guess that's the wrong word. I hadn't decided yet what I was going to do with B.L., but my teeth had their opinion and they were ready to demonstrate. I hadn't brought my blaster. Either way, I needed to be ready, so I decided to sip from now on.

The place was packed with dangerous-looking smugglers and spicers. I looked around at the other patrons. To my surprise I recognised a few – a sign I had been here too long. The guy smoking the pipe who I saw the other day was at the bar, perched daintily against it and chatting with some short guys with bad jackets. I was surprised to find I actually snorted a laugh when I recognised Astronaut Dan at the back of the room, and I looked around for the greenies. After a while my eyes met Melsa's and she held up her hand. I couldn't see from here but I guessed this meant she was wearing the ring. Discreetly I raised my glass to her good health, hoping she wouldn't come over. She got the message. With the exception of my beer, all was well.

At one side of the bar I even noticed the two drunks who'd tried to pick a fight with me that time. Today, I was even glad to see them. Yeah, perhaps it was time for me to leave this planet. I still had friends back home, but not much work. Here the work I'd found had paid well but it was dangerous. I'd miss my keen eyesight and faster reflexes when I lost them. Once I was changed back, I'd be just about done here. I started to kid myself that when I returned Jahna would take me back. Yeah, sure. Girl like that'd probably be married by now. She was just too perfect to stay single. For a moment, like an idiot, I closed my eyes and remembered the good times.

If I was going home, I was going to have to figure out a whole mess of problems, and I'd have to think about maybe getting over the damn girl. I don't keep many friends – it's smarter to stay alone, but those I had told me there were other women as great as her. I wish they'd said that on Tatooine. The locals have a good expression I could'a give them back. Bantha p…

My lapse in concentration gave Doctor Four-Eyes the perfect chance to sneak up to me and screech into my ear.

'Zeebub is coming' was all I caught. He was panicking. These three words raised a whole lot of questions.

'You know him, doc?'

There was a squeak in the affirmative and I narrowed my eyes. In a moment the doctor was pressed against the wall while I brushed his fur, looking for weapons. There were none but my grip didn't relax. It wasn't easy holding someone that big in place, but I wasn't in the mood for games.

'Why didn't you tell me you knew him, McGee? What're you hiding?'

I managed to translate most of his answer, but it didn't get me anywhere.

'What do you mean, you shouldn't be talking?'

'He is coming _for you!_'

'That works for me. I'm waiting for him.'

'If he finds you here you will be hurt.'

'I'm ready for that.' I let go of him. 'How do you know him?'

There was no reply, but Four-Eyes backed away. I tried a guess.

'What, he turned you into the abominable snowman?'

Four-eyes made what sounded oddly like a hollow laugh. He said quietly, 'Don't face him again. Just drink your drink and leave.' For a moment he looked really sad, then said, 'I'm very sad to discover that your condition has nothing to do with womp rats.' Poor schmuck, that really did depress him. He wandered off then but stayed inside. Not as much of a coward as he seemed. Maybe he really was just trying to warn me. Or…

Zeebub slid through the door at that moment, grinning away. He ordered a drink, nodded as thanks and sat down in the middle of an open area. I figured he could see me, and I really, really wanted to make sure he didn't slip by and make his exit, but I was still thinking things over so I stayed put.

Then nothing happened for a long time. The Bith band struck up, playing that same song I still couldn't get out of my head, now mercifully free of Ackmena's vocal addition. I became angry at myself – the whole time I'd waited for my man I had thought of nothing. No plan, no witty opening line, no clue. I decided the best thing to do would be to wander over to the devil's table and start up a conversation. I did, and took my ale with me.

'Hi,' I said.

His voice travelled right through those teeth of his. His lips didn't move quite enough for my liking, but I sure wasn't going to let him frighten me. Sure as hell. 'Hello again James,' he said calmly. 'You have been looking for me this time.'

'That's right. Mind if I join you here?'

Zeebub made a nod of his head that told me that he didn't mind and also told me exactly where to sit. I moved to the next table. There were a few feet between us. It struck me as odd that he didn't feel safe, but it was an encouraging thought. I did as he asked, thinking it would help me to be able to see his hands.

A look of curiosity struck him as he waited for me to speak. I went with, 'There's no such thing as a 'Devaronian' is there, B.L.?'

'Indeed there is. It is the name of my species.'

I tried to make my eyes glow red to show him I wouldn't be lied to, but I just couldn't make it happen. My eyes stung all right, but because I was straining them so hard. Well, I had other tactics. I bared my fangs and tried to bark at him, a clear threat like you get from a mynhund when you get too close to its young. For some reason I couldn't make the desired scary noise. I just sounded like I was yelling at him. He didn't react, but one or two drinkers either side of me glanced across. _Nothing to worry about_, they were obviously thinking. _Just some hairy drunk yelling at the Devaronian_.

Okay, back to the debate. 'You broke our deal, Louie,' I said in a fierce whisper.

'I did not.'

I made a fist beneath the table. He could probably see it. 'I seem to have turned into a wolf,' I told him. With hindsight, I suppose this didn't need to be pointed out.

'I told you that Dice's bite would effect you.'

'Things didn't work out with Jahna either.'

'I'm not surprised, James. You turned into a wolf.'

This little joke got under my skin, so I quickly brought my hand down on my glass without breaking eye-contact. The glass spilled but survived largely unharmed. A chip stuck itself in my palm, and stung like hell for some reason.

'I am unhappy that you believe I reneged on our agreement,' Zeebub told me. 'I told you only that I would make your soul-mate, the one you were meant for, love you.'

'And she's probably with someone else by now.'

'If you are referring to your Jahna, yes. She is happy. But she is not who I meant. Frankly, I never thought you were compatible.'

'You _said_…'

'You should have paid more attention, I think. I did not mention your intended partner by name – it is a very old trick that you fell for.'

A hundred thoughts hit me at once, demanding my attention. I did nothing but growl, unable or unwilling to get up and strike him. The struggle with denial didn't last long – he was very believable. I'd missed my window and Jahna was with some other jackass. I bet he was good – Jahna had her pick the way I saw it. A small irony struck me – after I'd tracked down this guy she was with, he'd end up looking a whole lot like the Mummy.

'The lycanthropy was intended to move you away from her. The tip-offs you received on Geonosis and at Mos Espa were placed in order to bring you to this cantina.'

This time I did bark. It was a really good, solid bark. It worked because I was involuntary. A couple of people jumped but the Bith stopped it carrying across the room. I was almost proud of my work in the brief moment I had before being hit again by the Jahna news. I bet he had a great job. I was gonna _kill_ him.

'The meeting with the astronaut was to let you know where you could find me. I wished to know how you used your first gift, and if you had made any progress with the second.'

'The first one really wasn't my kind of fun,' I told him, picking at the glass in my paw and trying to cool off. 'I know the doctor was part of your plan. Was Dan, too? If he was, I've got an engagement to object to when I'm done here.'

Louie shook his head. 'He would not deal with me, I'm sad to say. I was forced to arrange around him.'

The guy was evidently not in a hurry. This gave me a moment to think things over. It seemed I'd fallen for his little plan hook, line and sinker, and I still had no idea what his motives were or how he intended to finish it. That was annoying, but I wasn't going to let it bother me until I had my antidote. In spite of myself, I was glad Jahna was happy, too. No, really. But I was still gonna kill her boyfriend.

'Well, you brought me here,' I began, feigning nonchalance, hoping he would give me an explanation.

'And you found me here,' he added, curtly.

I nodded. 'You're a real smart-ass, you know that, B.L.? Let me put my cards on the table. Seeing as you think you're such a fine gentleman and all, I hope you'll do the same. My plan is to physically threaten you into turning me back.'

'This is a foolish plan.'

'It's all I got, buddy.' I really wasn't kidding. 'What's your plan?'

Zeebub answered right away. 'I have not decided yet.'

It killed me that he was so relaxed, so disinterested. My blood was pumping faster than I remember, but this meeting didn't seem to bother B.L. a great deal one way or another. I lost my struggle with my emotions and raised my voice. 'I got a new plan, B.L. I'm just going to maul you right here in five seconds if you don't turn me back. Five.'

The grin retracted slightly, but not, I think, out of fear.

'Four.'

With no hurry, Zeebub held up a hand to slow me. 'James,' he said, 'I expected you to have realised by now. Your condition is only temporary. I led you here for a reas….'

'Three. Temporary?'

'The cure you seek does not exist, but your body is slowly returning to human form. By now you should have already begun to revert back.'

Annoyingly, it had made sense. That morning I noticed my sense of smell had changed a little. I put it down to heatstroke. Come to think of it, I'd shed less during the night. And when I'd gone to vacuum-clean the hair, I hadn't even been startled when the damn thing switched on. He was serious – I was turning back. It was over.

'I brought you here to administer the final dose, to make your current state permanent. If you had impressed me with your use of the gifts I might have given you the choice.'

I very quickly held a debate in my mind over whether to attack him or flee. I don't know if I'm ashamed or not, but I chose the latter. I'd have lost this fight, but hey, I've lost plenty of fights. At least I'd be human again. Maybe I'd go back to Corellia after all.

Still staring Zeebub right in the eyes I realised this option to escape was looking pretty damn viable. Because of the sight of my incisors, he'd asked me to sit a table away. I had a head start. My foot began to move as quickly as it could, brushing against something soft, as I planned my dash.

In an instant, B.L.'s tentacle-looking friend was in front of my face. Presumably, Dice has been waiting underneath the chair for a signal. Great. In the Star Bar, this sort of thing is pretty ordinary, so the whole thing received no reaction, save a concerned glance from some blond-haired farmer kid dressed all in white. I wondered idly what the hell he was doing in a place like this before the tentacle moved again, faster than my eyes could follow.

I growled, more in despair than anything respectable, and felt those thick, triangular teeth leap into my left shoulder with all the dexterity and strength I had been just starting to lose. I watched B.L.'s self-satisfied grin one last time as I lost consciousness, knowing I'd been beaten and not particularly caring what happened next.


	6. Goodnight But Not Goodbye

Chapter 5 – Goodnight but Not Goodbye

One day, a long time later, I woke up and figured I'd had enough. My throat was sore from howling so I decided I was 'over' Jahna, whatever that meant, and through complaining about being the wolf-man. I trimmed my hair for the first time in a long while and got out of bed.

Without thinking I cleaned the hairs I'd dropped at night – this was a mindless chore now – so much a part of my day that I didn't notice it. When that was one I heaved a mighty yawn and bathed. I needed it, so there was no avoiding this one.

I didn't even know what time it was, but I figured it was a good time for a cup of milky stimcaff. Lapping it up I thought about Zeebub. After Jahna and the wolf thing, this was my other favourite obsession, as of today the only one I had left. It really got to me that I didn't know who he was or why he'd messed with me. My last meeting with him had put me off the idea of him being the devil – who even believes in that stuff – but I didn't have a more believable alternative. If he wasn't some kind of supernatural being, that meant he beat me at my own game, and I didn't like that.

Maybe, maybe not.

Could be he was just some old Jedi magician with a fondness for sticking his horns into people's love lives. One thing I knew was, that had been his objective – to get me alone, rather than to get me hairy. He got both though, so he had my congratulations.

A bowl of cold water set me up for the day, but I felt like something with more substance. Here at the Eisley Spaceport, substance and alcohol are interchangeable, so I started running through the options of where to go to get liquored up. I could, for the sheer poetry of it, get back to the Star Bar. The place might remind me of a certain someone, but I liked that band. I thought about it for a moment and yawned again.

I'm not sure when I stopped caring about B.L. but it started that day. He was scum, he made a fool of me, he was gone. I could have tracked him again, but then I could just as easily start playing saxophone again. That would be more my kind of thing. I didn't know how far across the deserts I'd have to go before I found one for sale, but I'd get one and maybe it'd all come flooding back. I used to be pretty good before this whole PI thing took over.

The Star Bar then. I told myself the reason I picked it out was for the band, but it wasn't. There were other places with music, and some of them didn't have a body count. The reason I picked it is that long after the tune I heard there had left my memories, six words stayed and kept making me smile. 'Come back soon, I'll be waiting.'

Sometimes, their ale was good too.


End file.
